Accept This Rose
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The Bachelorette (S:14 E:1): Let’s not do the damn thing

By Jim Alexander

THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 1401" - Fan favorite Becca Kufrin captured AmericaÕs heart when she found herself at the center of one of the most gut-wrenching Bachelor breakups of all time. Now the Minnesota girl next door returns for a second shot at love and gets to hand out the roses, searching for her happily-ever-after in the 14th edition of ABCÕs hit series ÒThe Bachelorette,Ó premiering MONDAY, MAY 28 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/Paul Hebert)WILLS, BLAKE, DAVID
THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 1401" - Fan favorite Becca Kufrin captured AmericaÕs heart when she found herself at the center of one of the most gut-wrenching Bachelor breakups of all time. Now the Minnesota girl next door returns for a second shot at love and gets to hand out the roses, searching for her happily-ever-after in the 14th edition of ABCÕs hit series ÒThe Bachelorette,Ó premiering MONDAY, MAY 28 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/Paul Hebert)WILLS, BLAKE, DAVID /
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Here Comes Becca

Here we go again. Another season of The Bachelorette is upon us and this time it’s Becca Kufrin’s chance at love, again. A recap of her breakup with Arie starts out the show. First shot is of snot dripping down her nose. Good start.

Becca is back in Minnesota, talking to her mom and sister, talking up how average she is.

Didn’t take long for her to be cruising down the PCH in a red convertible. Oh how quickly they forget.

Before any season begins there needs to be a man-bashing, or Arie bashing. Just leave it to Kaitlyn, JoJo and Rachel, the former Bachelorette’s to prop Becca and dog on Arie.

Things get even crazier when the women decide to “sage” the place and set the fire alarm off by burning some torch.

Promos For The Men

First set of men. Clay Harbor had a long career in football, we don’t have enough time on the show for him to list all the teams he’s played for.

Reno Garrett seems to be the biggest clown (not in a good way). He fishes in the snow. Go figure.

Jordan, the Ken doll model. The “pensive gentlemen brand”, whatever the hell that means?

ABC
ABC /

Lincoln, the Nigerian prince, has a cool accent. He’s quite the workout warrior.

Grocery store Joe. He’s good with produce, but not with women.

Jean Blanc is a cologne collector. Essence of our soul. Whatever he says?

Colton, another short-lived NFL player. At least he’s made a purpose in life helping out with cystic fibrosis patients.

Men Arrive

Becca arrives at the mansion to meet Chris Harrison. The limos filled with men are about to arrive. Let the madness begin:

  • Colton: Brings out some confetti blaster.
  • Grant: Just gives a hug and does things the normal way.
  • Clay: He’s all about catching stuff. Nervous.
(ABC/Paul Hebert)
(ABC/Paul Hebert) /
  • Jean Blanc: Tries to speak some French. At least he’s better than Becca. They are going to do “the damn thing”.
  • Connor: Gets on his knee and asks her to “do the damn thing”.
  • Joe: He says a bunch of nonsense.
  • John: Brags about his grandma and grandpa. Has no clue how to enter the house.
  • Leo: Has a giant birds nest on his head.
  • Jordan: Is already having a great time before he even hugs her.
  • Rickey: Looks like Big E from the WWE.
  • Alex: Does nothing.
  • Nick: Is dressed as a race car driver. Arie wannabe.
  • Mike: Man bun Mike comes out with a life-size Arie cardboard cut-out. Enough said.
  • Garrett: Drives up in a SUV mini van.
  • Blake: Arrives on an ox.
(ABC/Paul Hebert)
(ABC/Paul Hebert) /
  • Lincoln: Birthday cake in hand.
  • Chase: is about the, well, chase.
  • Ryan: Bajo man.
  • Christon: Not to be confused with Christian.
  • Willis: Watcha talkin’ bout.
  • Jason: With some weird handshake.
  • Kamil: Polish guy with accent and attitude.
  • Jake: Minneapolis guy. She knows of him.
  • Trent: Arrives and jumps out of a hearse. So lame.
  • Christian: Twirls Beccaa, loafers without socks.
  • David: Runs out in a chicken suit, literally.
  • Chris: Comes out with a choir

Impressions Game

Is this all the clown men? Yes? Great.

These dudes are talking up Becca as if she’s cured cancer or something. Maybe they know more than we do?

Connor is the first guy to sweep Becca off her feet. Jordan is concerned his “playbook” has been stolen.

Clay decides to have Becca play with some clay. How original. This man seems pretty shy.

Chris starts to brag about his grandparents. Christon dunks on Becca. Naturally, a meaningless game of basketball erupts. Nobody can play a lick.

(ABC/Paul Hebert)
(ABC/Paul Hebert) /

Joe the watermelon seller is so proud to brag about his produce sales.

Blake, in his red balzer makes Becca hopeful. Meanwhile, Harrison arrives with the first impression rose.

David can’t venture any capital in that chicken suit, but manages to challenge the fashion legend Jordan.

Jake’d

Chris knows some intel on Chase. Confrontation time.

Chase runs off to Becca to tell her he’s innocent and defend his desire to be there. Becca is all skeptical of him.

Minnesota Jake gets a sit-down with Becca. She’s skeptical of him also, and can’t get over the fact he’s never made a move on her. She feels the Arie burn and sends him home. He’s a new Jake with a new transformative version of him. Jake is going home. Better not be from Minneapolis, or else you’re going home.

Someone needs to get a first impression rose, so Garrett gets his popcorn on (Chicago reference, Garretts popcorn) and gets the rose. That was surprising that mini van man gets a first impression rose.

Rose Ceremony

We get our first official rose ceremony. Becca starts handing them out:

  • Lincoln
  • Blake
  • Rickey
  • Jean Blanc
  • Christon
  • Clay
  • Will
  • Connor
  • Jason
  • John
  • Ryan
  • Alex
  • Nick
  • Trent
  • Colton
  • David
  • Jordan
  • Leo
  • Mike

The final rose goes to tattle tale Chris. Polish Kamil, Garrett, grocery store guy Joe and Chase all going home.

ANALYSIS:

The first episode is usually one of the more fun ones in the season. It’s overwhelming with the amount of contestants also. The story of this season will be how jaded Arie made Becca. Lots of lying men in the season preview. What’s new there. The obligatory ambulance takes someone away. Might be a promising season, but nothing shocking probably.

As far as her choices. Definitely a few men stood out (more on that below). Typical wacky intros. The hearse thing was a first for sure. Chicken suit guy seemed so cliche.

(ABC/Paul Hebert)
(ABC/Paul Hebert) /

The MVP of entertainment has got to be Jordan the model. He’s legitimately funny with clever one-liners. Becca just isn’t going to be an exciting and fun Bachelorette. We knew that the day she was selected.

PREDICTIONS:

Wild Cards:

Lincoln: Lots seemed to revolve around Lincoln. He’s quite the playboy apparently, based on the season preview. He gave her that bracelet so that was him making his mark. He seems to be the guy to push his way to the final six, but his act might get the best of him at the end.

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Garrett: The first impression rose is big. That’s a sign you’re going far. He will, just not to the end.

Final Four:

Blake: He got her attention on the after show with the horse and keeps on doing it. He’s a safe bet. She was into him form the start and seems like he’s a clean-cut kinda guy that may be her type.

Willis: Watchu talkin’ about Willis seems to have garnered many clips in the season preview and makeout session with Becca. It just feels like he will go a long way.

Colton: Ok, so this guy is probably the favorite. Lots seems to revolve around him. He was the first one out of the limo and she had an immediate reaction to him. He’s the lead dog from the start.

Connor: Tough to pass on the first impression guy, but Connor seems to be another guy who has what it takes to last to the final four. It just feels like a natural selection to have him here.

The Winner:

It will come down to Colton and Blake. The virgin thing mentioned will probably factor in big. Blake has been the safe choice all along, kinda like Becca was for Arie. At the end safe is the way she will go after being jaded and hurt by Arie. Colton seems to have a lot going, but she doesn’t want to be that girl to “break him in”.

(ABC/Paul Hebert)
(ABC/Paul Hebert) /

Final Pick: Blake

For more on the Bachelorette you can check out my site The Bachelor Universe and you can follow me on Twitter @TheJimAlexander

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