In a break from the norm on Monday’s episode of The Bachelorette, we had not three fantasy suite dates, but four. (Because The Beast is hungry for that off-camera action.) Well, at least four were attempted.
The Bachelorette kicks off with Pilot Pete this week as he comes fresh off the plane to Greece. Pilot Peter had the first chance to get that coveted alone time and he took his opportunity on a boat to pull a Titanic move and pretend he was the king of the world. And after his night with Hannah, he kinda was.
Besides the impending sexy time, the other theme of this date was Pete awkwardly trying to figure out how to spill his beans aka his feelings of being in love with our girl. Finally, he got his act together and said those magical little words that solidified his trip to the fantasy suite which so happened to be a windmill.
Yes, people, THE WINDMILL. Peter is the chosen one.
The next day our pair was giddy from the throws of romance complete with puns regarding how they came together throughout their night. You couldn’t remove the smiles from their faces if you tried, as Peter skipped off into Grecian countryside.
Next, Prince Charming Tyler stepped up to the plate to try and hit a homerun with Hannah B. They headed to a spa for massages and Tyler sneakily slid in to practice his masseuse skills which turned into a steaming make-out session that was too hot for tv.
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Nighttime rolled around and Hannah revealed that although they can’t keep their hands off each other, she isn’t so sure their emotional selves are as horned up as their physical ones. This resulted in an adorable convo about consent and respect, and America stanned Tyler harder than ever before.
The lovebirds cuddled all night and Hannah sent Tyler on his way like a smitten kitten.
Third, we had cringeworthy Country Boy Jed who did not have the best hometown date last week. Once again he had the “wander aimlessly around the city” date that ended with our pair sitting by a nice Greek family for drinks, snacks and love advice.
They told Beauty and the Guitar that they looked in love, but Guitar looked uncomfortable and pulled Beauty aside for some private chatting away from the eyes of the poor family swindled into this situation.
Once they were alone, Jed dropped the bomb that was what everyone has been thinking the entire season, “WTF is Luke still here?!?” Hannah was a combo of confused and irritated and basically told him that their relationship is just different. Because he’s a psycho.
That evening the topic of Luke came up again (because Jed secretly wants to get sent home, obvi) and The Beast stormed away from the conversation in frustration at having to go through this once more. Jed calmed the waters and Hannah took it as a relationship victory that solidified his place in the fantasy suite. Yuck.
Last and least, we had Jesus Luke who showed up rocking his awful cross chain necklace. He was giddy with excitement and they had a great time–during the day.
The moment of truth came when Luke simply asked Hannah to “talk about sex.” What followed was Preacher Luke telling our girl that if she had hooked up with anyone else on the show that he was out. Then he back-pedaled and contradicted himself so many times that The Beast transformed into full-on rage mode to kick Luke and his slut-shaming ways to the curb.
Luke initially refused to get up and make his exit, but finally Roll Tide had him in motion in the right direction. Until they reached the van and he tried to backpedal more.
At this point, Miss Alabama popped and informed him that yes, in fact, she had had sex twice, and that fact should reinforce her point that he needed to go. His last attempt was to ask if he could pray over her just to make himself feel better and she was like nope, GTFO! Thank the Lord. Literally.
As the van rolled away, and Luke attempted to restrain himself from angrily punching all the seats, Hannah gave him the middle finger and a death glare as Bachelor Nation rejoiced.
For a moment. Until we saw the previews for next week and like a stalker ex-boyfriend who won’t take the hint, we get more of Luke next week. And maybe a group fight starring Tyler? Time will tell.
Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below and remember to catch new episodes of The Bachelorette every Monday on ABC at 9 PM EST!