Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette had all of Bachelor nation still stuck on the crazy Luke train and praying for an exit that was never to come.
The Bachelorette did have some adorable moments with our other leading men that renewed my hope in the cause! My hope in Hannah, not so much, but I guess we’re taking baby steps?
We left Latvia and arrived in the Netherlands to see Hannah wandering the tulip fields and looking less than confident in things. She did, of course, deliver a speech about needing to open up here and be confident in her next moves with hometowns coming up. The only opening up I need from Roll Tide is the opening of her eyes at this Jesus Luke situation.
Our Bachelorette guy gang was having a casual beer in Amsterdam when Hannah showed up and it was surprise date time for Country Boy Jed! Yet again we got to watch these two roam the streets and attempt to be charming as they ate chocolate, did heel kicks, and chatted with a cute old couple about making a marriage work.
The lovey-dovey stuff continued into the evening as Guitar Hero revealed that he is falling for The Beast, and she reciprocated those feelings because her country-loving heart can’t stop swooning at the thought of more terrible songs written about her. No surprise, Jed gets a rose and just like that, we’ll be in Nashville for a hometown visit.
Meanwhile, the boys in the hotel were having it out, aka Model Tyler was calling Love the Lord Luke a tiny 5’8 villain and solidifying the drama path the rest of the episode would take.
Take me Home Tyler got date number two and had to overcome his fear of horses as the pair wandered the city and tried to get snacks from the comfort of their saddles. When ice cream failed they turned to pickled herring and Tyler gagged his way through which did not impress Miss Alabama.
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Giving up on the equine adventure, our pair sat on a bench to chat about the status of their relationship and Hannah took this moment to aggressively inform Tyler that he needs to open the hell up and get emotionally deep. It was awkward and not fun for anyone.
Luckily, our boy took the battering to heart and gave a sob story about his upbringing that night thus solidifying his floral ticket to hometowns.
Back at the hotel, Smiling Mike received the last one-on-one which pushed Clearly Going Home Tonight Anyway Connor over the edge with frustration and he took off to chat with Roll Tide at her room. Never a good move, bro.
As expected the conversation was not great as Hannah revealed that she had other relationships that are further along, and it wouldn’t be fair to go into hometowns with how far behind they are. Ouch. Goodbye, Connor! You’re still really attractive and nice!
Please be the Next Bachelor Mike was up next for his date in the Netherlands, and our couple rode bikes throughout the city and ended up at an art gallery. The artist revealed herself and informed them that they would get to draw each other which went as well as expected. Then they had a little toga party and the artist drew them all cuddled up on the couch.
The art theme continued that night as things kicked off with Hannah silently sobbing her eyes out while staring at classic paintings as she waited for Mike to arrive. The heartbreak was imminent.
Hannah immediately took Mike to sit and chat and she struggled to get the break-up words out of her mouth while Mike was so supportive and sweet the entire time. Finally, she revealed that they were over, and we watched him sadly descend in a glass elevator and out into the darkness. *sigh* I don’t just want, I NEED Mike to be our next Bachelor.
Our Bachelorette group date was down to three: Peter the Pilot, Golf Garrett, and Psycho Luke, and this “date” was just everyone chatting in an old building. Luke grabbed Hannah first and immediately brought up his buddy Garrett to throw him under the bus which didn’t sway Roll Tide because this is normal now.
Naturally, Garrett confronted Luke afterward and proceeded to push and push him until Luke stood up and yelled in Garrett’s face about how he wasn’t going to ruin his relationship with our girl. Garrett made everything better by winking and asking if Luke was secretly attracted to him. Luke’s response was to throw bologna on Garrett and storm off. Maturity off the charts!
After going off on Garrett, Luke decided to go complain to Peter who wanted no part of it and refused to engage. This tactic paid off and he went right into alone time with Hannah which resulted in him receiving a rose. He victory cheered into the square and skipped off away from our two fighting dudes.
An awkward evening was to come, and Garrett was waaay too confident in his chances.
That night Amen Luke revealed his religious past and literal come to Jesus moment in the shower, and Golf Garrett told Miss Alabama that he loves her. One would think that true love would outweigh the tragedy of a slutty college past, but God over everything, and Hannah once again chose Luke. Presumably to see the family and hometown that could create such a psychopath. Get those Bachelorette ratings up, girl!
And with that we are on to hometowns and the continued teasing of Luke’s exit. If I had to bet, he’s not out for at least another episode. Unfortunately. See you at the dinner table next week for cringe-worthy family time!
Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below and remember to catch new episodes of The Bachelorette every Monday on ABC at 9 PM EST!