Bachelor in Paradise: Every Season 7 contestant ranked
By Zach Zola
Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Tier 6: Better Luck Next Summer
22: Jessenia Cruz
Ivan didn’t turn out great, but that is still no excuse to dump him for CHRIS. Here’s hoping she gets a second chance.
21: Connor Brennan
Oy. Wow, I just remembered he had a thing with Maurissa. That’s crazy. Anyway, overall terrible showing from the world’s most embarrassing math teacher.
Time for another…BONUS RANKING
Top 5 Cringiest Moments:
5) “Smoke Bros”
4) Demi trying to get Kenny to go to the boom-boom room with her (alternatively: Demi’s “pot-stirring” wink in the intro)
3) Tammy telling Thomas that he is her best friend
2) Chasen and Karl’s warring pieces of cheap jewelry
1) Connor singing love songs to Jessenia and Abigail (though rhyming “Jessenia” with “Millenia” is admittedly musical genius)
20: Tammy Ly
I will legitimately never get over [item #3 on the list above].
Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Tier 7: Pleasant Surprises
19: Karl Smith
My expectations for Karl were in the basement, but he really exceeded them! Even though he was hated by the men on Katie’s season, I love how he seemed to just integrate himself with the Aaron-James-Tre crew. The bracelet idea was insane, though. Do better.
18: Anna Redman
Probably still not a good person in real life, let’s be honest. BUT she seemed like a good person this time around. Impressive showing.
17: Mykenna Dorn
Sporting a new hair color, Mykenna was another late arrival that made the most of her time. Dumping Ed was devastatingly awkward, but poor Ed probably never had a real chance.
16: Thomas Jacobs
This man is obsessed with gossip, and I can’t get enough of it. Every chance he gets, he has something to add to the situation. Profuse amounts of sweat aside, I thought Thomas batted a near-perfect season. After a rough edit with Katie, he was clearly just loving life on the beach this time around. All 6’6″ of him.
Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Tier 8: Wish We Saw More of You
15: Ed Waisbrot
Count this as a vote for Bennett as well, who unbelievably didn’t make an appearance this season. Ed is laugh-out-loud funny, and we didn’t get nearly enough of that. And although he left fan-favorite Natasha, there was no denying that him asking Mykenna out was a great moment. Too bad it didn’t last.
14: Tre Cooper
I understand that his relationship with Tahzjuan had run its course, but that didn’t mean he had to just leave! Or at least bring us your uncle.
13: Tahzjuan Hawkins
The heat may have gotten to her again, but that didn’t stop Tahzjuan from becoming one of the most indispensable early-season members of the Paradise beach. Absolutely hilarious, especially when she was obsessed with Riley and had to cool off.
BONUS RANKING:
Top 5 Most Random Moments:
5) The fact that Olivia Holt showed up
4) Tahzjuan’s constipation
3) Alayah being at Titus Burgess’s dance party and then never coming back
2) Riley chastising Ivan after the hotel incident
1) Mari giving her rose to James in Week 2
12: Deandra Kanu
A relative unknown heading into the season, Deandra didn’t find love in Paradise but did find a permanent place in Bachelor Nation. Made one of the greatest decisions in sending both Chasen and Karl home, and then spent the rest of her time just chilling by the pool and talking sh*t. Not a bad life.