Matt James doesn’t owe Rachael Kirkconnell anything

Monday night’s finale of The Bachelor was a difficult watch. We saw Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell leave together in a committed relationship, but during the After the Final Rose special, Matt revealed that he had broken up with Rachael because of her racially insensitive past.

Knowing Bachelor Nation, I expected this episode to be controversial and for Matt James to have hate slung his way. But I was still saddened as the comments rolled in on Rachael and Matt’s latest Instagram posts.

“A real man who loves you would join you & guide you along this journey! & never leave your side!”, one fan wrote to Rachael. “1000% HIS LOSS!”, said another.

“He failed you.”

“Shame on Matt. Forgiveness the foundation of his faith [sic]…hmmm I sure didn’t see that tonight.”

Each of these comments racked up hundreds, even thousands, of likes. And on Matt’s most recent post (as of writing this, he hasn’t posted about the finale), viewers ordered Matt to “Take [Rachael] back!”, “Forgive like Jesus has forgiven,” and told him that he would be “single forever.”

Here’s the thing: Rachael was clearly upset about the breakup. It’s natural to pity her for that, but it’s ridiculous to act as if Matt, a Black man, has any obligation to stay with someone who exhibited racist behaviors. To weaponize his Christian faith against him is inexcusable. Do I think that Rachael is a virulent, bone-deep racist who can’t learn from her past? Of course not. But implying that Matt failed Rachael instead of the other way around shows a real misunderstanding of what happened here.

Matt James is not the bad guy

The Matt we saw onstage on Monday was hurt to the point that he could barely speak at times. “As someone who grew up in the South, it takes me to a place that I don’t often like to think about. I wasn’t okay,” he said. He also clarified that he had to explain to Rachael why her actions were wrong – proving that the Rachael of three years ago isn’t that different from the Rachael of about a month ago. White people can be attracted to and even love Black people and still hold racial biases at the same time. After all, there are countless men who are attracted to women but simultaneously disrespect them.

As a white woman, I’ll never understand Matt’s experience, but I know that I don’t want to build a future with a man who hasn’t unpacked his ingrained misogyny. Why should Matt be expected to do the same thing with Rachael?

At the end of the day, Matt does not think Rachael is ready to be in an interracial relationship. He doesn’t think she can fully support him as a Black man in America. He doesn’t think she’s prepared to raise Black children. This man signed up for The Bachelor to fall in love, not to become someone’s personal social justice educator. If he decides that the relationship isn’t worth the kind of exhausting emotional labor that comes with that role, he is well within his right to do so. That’s not abandoning Rachael or shaming her, that’s just realizing she’s not at a place in her life where she can be the best partner for him.

You can sympathize with Rachael without making Matt the bad guy. Unfortunately, the portion of Bachelor Nation who most needed to hear the message of After the Final Rose let Rachael’s heartbreak become their main takeaway. And is their defense of Rachael really about her? Or do they want Matt to forgive her so badly because seeing a Black man excuse her behavior would give them permission not to examine their own?

American society has always cast white women as victims of Black men. We saw it in 1955 when a white woman’s lies about harassment led to the murder of 14-year-old Emmett Till. We see it today, in viral videos of white women calling the police on Black men for bird-watching or barbecuing. The situation with Matt and Rachael obviously isn’t as serious, but the reaction to it is rooted in the same centuries-old stereotypes.

I sincerely hope the best for both Matt and Rachael moving forward, and I do think Rachael can grow from this. But Bachelor Nation doesn’t seem quite as willing to make progress. As long as the fan base – and America – continue to center white women’s pain over Black men’s, The Bachelor and the country it reflects will suffer from the same rot they always have.

What do you think of Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell’s breakup? Let us know in the comments!

The Bachelor Season 25 is available to stream on Hulu.