The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart: Season 1, episode 6 performance grades
The theme of the season finale of Listen to Your Heart was a cruel reminder that we truly can’t have nice things. With a shocking departure and, let’s be honest, a win by default, this whole shebang went out with a mundane bang.
I’m going to blatantly honest – I turned off the final episode of Listen to Your Heart the moment Rudi and Matt left. You can’t truthfully tell me that Mudi didn’t carry this show on their backs, and the subsequent drop-off in talent was, well, quite stark. I started noticing something was fishy when the three couples read off their song cards – ABC’s press release for the Listen to Your Heart season finale TELLINGLY left out Whitney Houston and Tim McGraw/Faith Hill on the setlist. Moment of silence for us all being ROBBED of Rudi singing Whitney Houston. Moving on.
Chris Harrison dropped in at the start of the finale to be a life-ruiner, per usual, and romantically pressured Matt out of the stratosphere. Why, pray tell, do the couples need to be one step removed from marriage in order to perform their literal fourth time together? Not that this was explicitly said, but this legitimately happens on every. show. Joe and Kendall, Astrid, and Kevin on Bachelor in Paradise, anyone?
Alas, I eventually went back and begrudgingly watched the four performances (I suppose I should be grateful for the extra free time, but I’m not), and while I really don’t like it, it’s clear that Bri and Chris were the obvious winners of Listen to Your Heart – if not solely for the fact that Mudi bowed out (yes, I indeed am quite bitter). Let’s get to it.
Jamie Gabrielle & Trevor Holmes, “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers
Vocal Performance: B
For the love of Chris Harrison, PLEASE spare me the breathy singing!! I took my apparent dormant narcolepsy, tempered only by Rudi and Matt’s energy, for granted between the final four and their inability to vocally project. But while Bri and Chris have somewhat of an artful softness to their voices, these two just sound like they’re whispering over their desks in a middle school class detention.
Jamie, it was truly inspiring to watch you blossom out of your legitimate phobic non-performative self on Listen to Your Heart this season, but the ceiling is just simply not..high. It’s honestly a shame that Natascha and Ryan had to fumble themselves out of this competition – you know they would have brought it in the finale. Legitimately, we could have had Natascha and Ryan and Rudi and Matt gracing our screens last night – thanks, I hate it.
Meanwhile, Trevor has officially exposed himself as an extremely mediocre singer. Maybe he’s better solo, who’s to say? There’s an “i” in win, as there is in Jamie, Bri, and Chris, so perhaps the writing was always on the wall for poor Trevor. He had a strong note (for ONCE) in his opening solo verse, I’ll give him that, but the breathy talking voice is simply unimpressive. To be fair, most of the B-grade male singers on Listen to Your Heart were highly aided by their female powerhouse counterparts – not that everyone needs to be a powerhouse, per se, but these two just exude no palpable energy and are just painfully boring.
Interpretive Routine: C-
It’s almost as if they haven’t been paying attention in class this entire season of Listen to Your Heart. Torrance Shipman would have cut them mid-tryout for their abysmal performative talents, or lack thereof I should say. Standing there, half-holding hands is not a performance! You can only get away with aimless swaying if your voice speaks for itself. And the answer for these two is none of the above. I genuinely wonder, did they think conquering Jamie’s stage fright was….it? The final act? In order to win Listen to Your Heart, with you know, zero precedent to go off of, you really need to go above and beyond – personal growth is for commendable losers.
~Romance~ Level: B+
I mean, we all know how this turned out for them, romantically speaking (narrator: not well). But if I’m to go off of their performance alone, sure, they sold it – a little. For a song about “needing your love,” I’m not sure that really came across whatsoever. Bri and Chris looked more romantically inclined waiting backstage than these two trying to sell us whatever Listen to Your Heart is attempting to purport. They looked like they were singing for the first time together as a shy, new couple. Cutesy? Sure. Enough romance to scare Matt 20 miles from the nearest Tennessee border? Not even close.