Our Monday nights have a sense of normalcy again, as Chris Harrison graced our television screens with the much anticipated, if only so we have something to make fun of mini-series, The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart.
The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart showcases a mix of 20 singles trying to find “The One”. This is meant to ultimately help them attempt to achieve an Adele-level breakup album.
We knew it was going to be a delightful mess of a show, and the premiere did not disappoint! It had a little something for everyone–from cheesy singing, to love triangles, hot tub make-outs, and a concert date featuring a band we have all actually heard of! For once! (Thank you, ABC producers.)
With that said, who took home the Night One Grammy for their Bachelor debut love single?
Let’s find out below!
1. Jamie Gabrielle
Topping our list in the power rankings this week is Jamie, aka the girl who is clearly the star of the show. Masterfully playing the role of the naive ingenue who has only experienced heartbreak in her exhausting, LONG life (of 21 years), Jamie was the first one to arrive at the Bachelor Mansion and the first to find herself torn between two potential lovers.
Jamie was first drawn to Ryan, who looks like a doo-wop serial killer from the 50s, and was then swept off her feet by Wannabe Jed, aka Trevor, in his twinning jacket (which I’m convinced is a bad omen). Naturally, Jamie was a sobbing mess of confusion at the rose ceremony after kissing both gentlemen. She can’t help it that she’s so popular, guys.
With loads of screen time and the first big decision of the season, Jamie has far too much control for a girl who has maybe dated two other dudes in her life and lists margaritas as her favorite food. Well, if you can even count her high school sweetheart who clearly cheated on her as soon as he got to college and a drink as food.
2. Matt Ranaudo
The runner-up from last night’s episode of Listen to Your Heart goes to Shade Tree Matt, who loves his beard more than any girlfriend he’s ever had. He started strong–then lied and backstabbed his way through three women already. Yes, homeboy did all of this in one episode.
Matt and Drama Queen Rudi hit it off right away and had some steamy hot-tub time where she denied him a kiss (which TBH surprised me). Shockingly, when he had the opportunity, Matt flipped the switch and took Cool Girl Mel on a date instead.
However, Mel was not impressed by their backyard concert date and didn’t give him a rose at the rose ceremony. In a shocking turn of events, Cheyenne flew in out of nowhere to save him. Had they even talked this whole time?! Why did you keep him around, Cheyenne??
Personally, I am not into Matt and his “I did nothing wrong!” slimeball ways, but he clearly has some pull with the ladies. Maybe he can wear his heart on his sleeve for the rest of the season and win Bachelor Nation over in the process.
3. Julia Rae
Rounding out our top three this week is the other hot commodity in the house, Girl Next Door Julia, who had both Puppy Dog Living in His Van Sheridan and Smooth Talker Who Takes Better Care of His Hair Than the Ladies Brandon vying for her attention. She went back and forth between the two men quite often but nonetheless had them eating out of her hands. And with both of them sticking around, who knows what will happen in the coming weeks.
ABC/Maarten de Boer
ABC/Maarten de Boer
Honorable mentions: Ryan Neal and Michael Todd
First honorable mention goes to Ryan, who was miraculously saved by Rudi at the very last second. He seems nice and sweet and like he really does want to find love! Assuming his true love enjoys being locked in his basement where he serenades you with constant John Mayer covers to drag out the validation he so desperately needs from you on the daily.
Another quick honorable mention on the opposite end of the spectrum goes to the overly-ambitious man with two first names, Michael Todd. This poor man’s Adam Levine was shut down hard by Savannah and sang like the cheesy crooner he so wants to be. He was terrible, but would have definitely brought me some joy if he had managed to stick around.
With that we have finished the first episode of this musical journey! Did you love it, or rather, hate to love it as much as I did? Will Jamie figure out how to listen to her heart? Will Matt be sent packing to write lonely single songs forever? And will Gabe get the screen time he deserves? Tune in next week!
Did you have the same contestants at the top of your list after last night’s premiere? Do you think other crooners stole the show? Let us know your thoughts!