The Bachelor: Season 24, episode 8 spoiled recap: Virginia is not for lovers

Madison

Next up, we have Madi’s date – which was actually filmed first (on October 26th). They go to the Auburn Arena to play basketball. A video message of Charles Barkley begins playing on the scoreboard, where he warns Peter to take care of Madison. We couldn’t help but laugh when Madison pointed out that it was Charles Barkley, as if Peter somehow didn’t know…but then he seemed surprised so maybe he didn’t know?

File the identity of Charles Barkley along with Crab Rangoon and emotional intelligence in Things Peter Has Learned in Boating School (this season on The Bachelor). We’ve watched a total of 30 minutes of basketball in our entire lives – and most of it was fictional in High School Musical – but even we know who Charles Barkley is. Peter, please.

Bruce Pearl, the Auburn basketball coach, comes out and gets them ready for their one-on-one game. He also gives Peter a Madi-must-be-protected speech. Again – the patriarchy!! As we can see in the basketball game, Madison is aggressive and competitive (sup Aries & yes that’s a Hamilton reference) – she can take care of herself. Obviously, her partner should want to protect her and keep her safe, but the emphasis on that vs. say… loving her or treating her well, was annoying.

Peter horrifically trying to juggle two basketballs is a painful metaphor. Please get your head in the game. We love Madi’s athletic side and seeing her passion! Also, it’s definitely super hot when a girl is extremely good at a sport – point, Madison. Clearly, she took notes from Peter’s reaction to Lexi’s car multiple times this season.

They head to her house for dinner, where Madi has the “special plate.” Our special plate is the one we reserved to throw at the television last night, but potato-potatoe. Her mom explains that a different person gets the plate every night, and the rest of the table has to go around and say something nice about whoever it is. One of us thought this was really cute and teared up, and the other thought it was cringe and hated it. Guess which one is the Aquarius.

Peter continues to be SO giggly around Madison. It’s so clear that he’s smitten with her. Madison talks to her mom and her mother brings up “choices she has made for herself,” i.e. saving herself for marriage. We have nothing against doing so, and respect Madi’s decision, but it feels decidedly less like something she’s solely chosen for herself when it’s brought up to her multiple times this episode, as though her parents are reminding her. Do you guys need anything? Some snacks, a chastity belt?

Peter talks to Madi’s dad, aka Benjamin Button. Seriously, how old is Chad and can he drop his skincare routine?? We actually ARE dying to know this time. Her dad asks if Peter and Madison have talked about her faith and morals, what she is looking for, and if Peter feels he can fulfill that.

Peter says he does but doesn’t give specifics or provide Chad with any reassurances. Chad then asks if Peter is sure that Madison is The One … has he not watched The Bachelor? There are three other women. Of course, he can’t answer this question. Peter is horrifically bad at avoiding the question here and seems really nervous and tense. Let’s see how he makes things worse!

Madison then chats with her dad, and he says when she was a baby, he prayed over her for a good husband. This didn’t seem to get enough attention: what the actual f**k? Plenty of people pray their child will find someone to love/be loved by, etc., and we’re not knocking praying whatsoever, but to say you prayed over your infant baby for a husband is wild, is it not?

You have an infant in front of you, and of all the things you can pray for, like success, happiness, etc., you prayed for a HUSBAND?? Look,  clearly family is a huge priority for them, which is great! We also want to be clear that we respect their beliefs and support exercising your religion in whichever way you choose. However, saying you prayed for your baby daughter to find a husband is suggesting that her only value in life is as someone’s wife and that’s not cool. Maybe he meant he prayed for a husband *among other things* but his wording really rubbed us the wrong way.

Madison hoped she’d be able to tell Peter she’s falling in love with him tonight, but cannot after her conversations with her parents. And also, maybe she’s realizing she isn’t all that compatible with the man whose brand is Alexa, play I Just Had Sex by Akon. It’s a little weird that she wanted to come on Peter’s season of The Bachelor in the first place, given that he’s windmill guy and she doesn’t even use the word sex in her conversations with her family and her ITMs (thus far). Did she think four times was referring to the naps Hannah took?

At this point, this is a straight-up Cassie situation and it’s extremely clear that she’ll be leaving Peter in a foreign country soon. Narrator: he indeed did not find love in a hopeless place. Peter says he is in love with Madison in his ITM. Yikes.

Remember last year when Hannah B. said she was in love with Luke after his hometown? Why can’t people wait until the finale anymore? Justice for Ben Higgins! At least he waited until fantasy suites.