The Bachelorette episode 5 reaction: The Luke Show

A change of pace with a Tuesday episode of The Bachelorette brought us the conclusion of the Luke vs. Luke drama and more red flags that Hannah ignored.

Tuesday night’s episode of The Bachelorette dove right into the battle of the Luke’s with Hannah attempting to moderate. After a few minutes of the conversation going nowhere, The Beast was a frustrated mess and stormed off to brood alone.

Chris Harrison decided to swoop in and ruin the party for the rest of the group with the news that the cocktail party was done and it was rose ceremony time. Yay, finally!

Our grumpy group shuffled in to await their fate and as Roll Tide opened her lips to begin the ceremony, Tequila Luke decided to grab her and have one more quick chat. They barely left the room to quietly talk where I can only imagine was within earshot of the other dudes, and Luke started things off with a casual “Be careful,” comment which could only mean one thing–little Luke was sending himself home from The Bachelorette.

The cameras cut back to the group, so we didn’t actually see the entire conversation, but Hannah returned to the room alone and announced that Tequila Luke had taken his last shot.

Love the Lord Luke was thrilled at this news and was once again rewarded with the last rose to remain in the running for Hannah’s heart. The collective eye roll and groan from the rest of the dudes was deafening.

But good news followed the disappointment when Miss Alabama told them to pack their bags because they were headed to Scotland! First international trip of this Bachelorette season!

Ecstatic to leave the country, our crew made the trek across the ocean and landed at a castle that would become their home for the week. Then they hit the streets and went to grab a pint as a squad where Jesus Luke once again made things awkward.

Hannah surprised the boys and made a speech about moving forward and then sprung the one-on-one date on my man, Mike. He was the happiest lad in the land!

The pair skipped off to sample whiskey and explore the city and generally be adorably smitten with each other. Not surprisingly, Mike received the rose and, just like that, we get to see his beaming smile for at least another week.

Group date time brought the sad realization to the dudes that Lochness Luke was being “rewarded” for his behavior and was going on the other one-on-one. But at least he won’t be there to ruin the fun by shoving his knee into someone’s face!

Our boys descended onto the field where they learned that they would be participating in the Highland Games aka throwing axes, racing with buckets of milk, and wrestling each other while wearing kilts. Surprisingly during the practice session, no one but The Beast herself actually got the ax to stay in the wooden target.

Then things got sexy when the pants came off, the kilts went on, and the black boxes appeared over the naked bits of our contestants. And the viewers across America began fanning themselves and catcalling at their TVs.

Jed was our standout participant on this date and won the games. Then he continued this victory by spending some quality time with Hannah’s mouth as she straddled him at the group date cocktail party. How Are You Still Here Kevin sadly walked in on the makeout session and after a few deer in the headlights moments, snuck back down the castle steps in an awkward haze.

Hannah was horned up throughout the party and also had aggressive face sucking time with Peter the Pilot and Tyler C., who liked the easy breezy freedom of the kilt and continued wearing it into the evening hours. Get it, girl.

In the end, Jed clearly was the best kisser because he received the date rose and a tube of chapstick for recovery purposes.

Finally, it was doomsday and we got our Lochness Luke date which took up an excessive amount of screen time.

Things started out rocky, literally and figuratively, as the pair wandered the cliffs near an old castle and sat on a blanket to discuss how their relationship is going. “Not well!” Hannah shouted into the void that is Luke’s psycho, non-emotional face. The Lochness simply responded with, “Whatever makes you happy and gives you clarity.”

This repeated statement made The Beast lose it to the point where she tried to get the producers to talk to Luke and convince him that she just wants to get to really know him. They told her to suck it up, buttercup and do the talking herself. Luke ignored this attempt and suggested they explore the castle instead. Hannah agreed while debating whether to throw herself or the dumbest man alive off of the cliff edge.

They both survived the day and met up later for more one-on-one time over the dinner no one ever eats. Roll Tide started the night by informing Lochness that their date was the worst she has experienced, and he took this in like every complete psychopath would by not blinking or acknowledging the statement in any way.

After being beaten over the head all day about his lack of emotional vulnerability, Luke finally attempted to use his words to share his feelings and the best he could come up with is that he’s “trying” and “being in this situation is hard.” A distraught Hannah responded by telling him straight up that she could not give him the rose on this date.

And the Bachelorette episode ended right there. Of course.

Previews of next week show glimpses of Lochness which would have us believe that Miss Alabama still hasn’t learned her lesson and also gives zero care for the rules of the show by keeping him around for more conversations that go nowhere. Do you hear that? It’s the entirety of Bachelor Nation destroying their TV screens at this outrageous behavior.

But, alas, time will tell if Hannah wises up or not. God, I hope so. Until then, see you next week!

Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below and remember to catch new episodes of The Bachelorette every Monday on ABC at 9 PM EST!