The Bachelorette had a wild week full of animals and crazy men. Will Luke ever back off? Does Cam live to see another day? Will Hannah find true love?
This episode of The Bachelorette did did not lack in drama. Hannah and her guys did not let us down. Luke was acting like a creep, and we saw that “Always Be Cam” is more like “Always Be Crazy.”
The first group date of this episode was a doozer. Hannah took the boys to learn about pregnancy: this meant a quiz about pregnancy, wearing a pregnancy suit, and of course, the labor pain simulation. Most guys did pretty well with it, but John Paul Jones II lost his daggum mind. The guy was practically on the floor when his turn with the simulator ended.
At the evening portion of the date, Magic Mike told Hannah about his struggle of losing a child with his ex-fiance. It was a really sad story, but Mike came off disconnected from the whole thing.
They were having a tender moment, when what to our wondering eyes should appear? Cam. In his sweatshirt and blazer to talk about something serious. Nothing about that outfit said “serious.” Well what goes around comes around, and Jonathan barged in a few minutes later and refused to leave. Absolutely REFUSED. He walked Cam to the door and chased him out of town.
Cam, of course, ran off to the only person that would listen: John Paul Jones II. JPJ didn’t even have on socks, so I don’t know if you should be trusting his advice, Cam. But it was neither here nor there, because Cam spent the rest of the night next to Jonathan, just STARING at him while Jonathan sat there smug as can be. It was priceless. Some of the best television I’ve ever seen in a long time. White Walkers? Dragons? Give me The Bachelorette drama, or give me death.
During his time with Hannah, Tyler C. gave an absolutely incredible little speech about how he wants to be Hannah’s cheerleader and how amazing women are. Like dang. Women do run the world, Tyler C. SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.
Group rose: Magic Mike
Connor was picked for the one-on-one date this episode. Up close he looks approximately 12 years old, but from far away he is a MAN. Hannah and Connor were supposed to have a normal, over the top Bachelorette date, but Hannah was sick and had to cancel. Connor brought flowers and soup over and spent the afternoon cuddling with Hannah.
He took his shoes off before he got on Hannah’s bed, which is a good sign. No shoes should be on a bed. Ever. I’m looking at you Hannah G.
Connor eventually had to leave because his mom was there to pick him up. Just kidding! Connor left so the Bachelorette could rest up, but not before he covered the living room of her hotel in sticky notes. It was like a little scavenger hunt for compliments and made Hannah feel special.
It didn’t look like Connor was going to get a rose, but later that night Hannah summoned him to a private concert with Lukas Graham, (Hey! We actually know that guy!) and he got the rose. Baby Connor lives to see another middle school dance! Huzzah!
Throughout this episode Luke and Cam were like dueling banjos. One is a jealous basket case, one is a disconnected mess, and both are absolutely crazy. The whole episode was watching these two slowly spiral deeper. Luke and Cam brought enough drama that we skipped over Tyler G. leaving the house. In what world would The Bachelorette producers skip that? The one where we have Crazy-Pants Cam and Lost-His-Mind Luke.
Enter the shameless plug for Secret Life of Pets 2, I mean the second group date. The guys on this group date did a photo shoot with animals as their day portion. It was a pretty casual event, but it had a twist! Sitting in the other room was Demi. Forget Doctor Demi, we now have Detective Demi and she has stepped up her sleuthing game. She hired cute girls to flirt with the guys and see if they were scummy schmucks only here for there 15 seconds of Instagram fame. On a happy note, and like a little bit sad too, all of the guys were honorable. Meh.
Luke was back on his bull crap this date. When Hannah got close to another guy, Luke would butt in. Hello, sir. Have you seen The Bachelorette before? Do you know the premise? Do you know that you don’t own her, or any other person?
Hannah was pretty fed up with it and let Luke know at the evening portion of the date. He was not happy. In an interview, Hannah said she was worried about the little red flags she was seeing. “Little” red flags? No, Girl. They are waving like a flag on the Fourth of July.
Luke was a baby about getting poor feedback from Hannah and pouted the entire night. At one point he said he wanted to leave, sort of expecting all the guys to be like “Think about it!” or ” No, don’t leave!” Instead, Luke got crickets. No one said please stay. It’s more like, “Get thee hence, Luke P.”
Lurking Luke waited to get his second chat with Hannah and tried to barge in on every conversation she was having. Hannah kept telling him to leave and was really getting frustrated with him. Despite Luke doing his best to thwart other conversations, Hannah had a great time with Peter the Pilot. He is such a good soul and we are very much unworthy of him. You know what is worthy of Peter? That group rose, which is what he got.
Group rose: Peter the Pilot.
After all of the drama this week, the Bachelorette decided to forego the cocktail party and had a tailgate! Name one thing more on brand for Alabama Hannah. I’ll wait. This tailgate was supposed to be literally fun and games, but of course Cam had to bring the drama. His Hail Mary conversation at the tailgate turned into the final nail in his coffin.
“Always Be Calculated” Cam gave Hannah a sob story that checked every box. Puppy? Check. Grandmother passed away? Check. Unexpected surgery? Check. Potential amputation? Check. Hannah felt bad for Cam until Magic Mike told her that Cam only shared this sordid tale in efforts to stay. Hannah finally called Cam out for being a sneaky sleaze and made it very clear that she does not give out “pity roses.”
A pity rose she did not give out, and Cam was sent home. One crazy down, one to go.
Fallen homies: Jonathan, Cam, and some guy I honestly do not know. (I have since learned that his name is Joey).