The Bachelor reaction: After the Final Rose and beyond
Well, we did it, folks. We successfully got through the Bachelor two-part finale. I wouldn’t say we made it unscathed, but it’s over & we have a conclusion.
Final. Episode. This. Season. And I do mean finally. Let’s get this The Bachelor finale over with!
When last we left Chris Harrison, he was confronting us once again with the question that will not die: will Colton remain a virgin?!?!? After all, there were no more ladies left for our Bachelor to propose to as he had just ripped his love away from both Hannah G. and Tayshia. And so we picked up where we were Monday with Colton eagerly knocking on a mystery door.
In the twist of the season, guess who was behind Door #1?! Yep, I Already Broke Up With You Cassie, who had just mentioned how excited she was to go home and see her friends and family.
Still wearing her confused face, Cassie welcomes the Bachelor into her room where he explains that he sent the other losers home so no one can stand in the way of their love. She’s The One!
Throughout this conversation, Cassie keeps one hand over her mouth to prevent her shock from exploding all over the room. She also tries to explain, once again, that she doesn’t want to keep Colton from his end game of engagement. He ignores her concerns and instead invites her to Spain to meet his family. Ah yes, let’s involve the most important people in your life into this jumbled mess!
We get to Spain and Colton warns his family that they aren’t meeting multiple girls, merely one girl who has previously dumped him. They voice their concerns and then we see Cassie also being so concerned about letting everyone down that she cries a bunch which, TBH, is the appropriate response to this great situation. Yeah, not sure that “Nice to meet you, I’m not the marriage material girl you wanted. In fact, idk if I even love him!” is the best way to meet the Bachelor’s parents. Nonetheless, Cassie faces the firing squad and everyone displays mixed feelings throughout.
The awkwardness behind them, Cassie and Colton head to dinner and learn that Chris Harrison has set up a magical Fantasy Suite opportunity for our baffled babies. They giddily accept and ditch the camera crew and mics for this second chance at some under the sheets time.
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Back in the studio, a gaggle of former contestants answered questions roundtable style as to whether or not Colton would actually have his cherry popped in the Fantasy Suite. It was weird and uncomfortable and more filler we didn’t need.
Finally, Cassie and Colton made their public debut in the Bachelor studio. They did look happy which I guess is good for them. Not so good for us when we got to watch a video of Colton and Cassie who were, in turn, watching a video of Cassie reading her journal about her real feelings of love from way back in the beginning. Then it got more fun when Air Supply showed up for an impromptu concert during which our newly dating couple danced and made-out in front of the crowd. Exactly what I thought this episode was missing!
After the rose petals were swept away, Chris announced that it was time to meet our next Bachelorette. Did someone say Roll Tide?
Hannah Beast is next to take this wild journey to find love, and personally I am pumped about it! Funny, kinda awkward, and great style, Hannah will be a nice change from boring Colton.
Since no one likes waiting except Colton (please forgive my one last virgin joke), Chris informed Hannah that her season was starting right now!
The crew hustled around with plants and a fake Bachelor mansion backdrop and we got to meet five gentlemen eager to steal Hannah’s heart. There was a rap, a bedazzled step stool, and a Nick Viall look-a-like, and then Hannah made the mistake of saying she could give away a rose immediately.
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Guys, this rose ceremony was rough. It took forever and Hannah struggled with words which I’m hoping isn’t foreshadowing for the rest of her season. Somehow she got through it and Rap Boy Cam accepted the rose even though she forgot to initially actually ask him if he would. She has time to improve before the real thing, people!
And there you have it: the end to another most dramatic season of The Bachelor. I think we all deserve another celebratory glass of wine. We did it!