It’s the most dramatic season finale in The Bachelor history! Part 1 where we learn the fate of Colton’s journey for love arrived &, boy, were there tears.
With two nights of live finale time to fill, our beloved The Bachelor producers had some work to do in order to keep our attention for a total of four hours. And keep it, they did not. With no conclusion reached on Monday night, how did we spend those two long hours in front of the TV screen? By watching lots of crying and indecision obviously. But what else is new?
Chris Harrison started things off with the one thing no one wanted; a recap of the entire season. Chris, buddy, we don’t care about seeing glimpses of this saga from the beginning. We were all there, unfortunately, and we’re ready for this to wrap up. Just get us back out into the Portuguese countryside!
With another mention of Colton’s virginity by our host, we were finally brought back to the Bachelor fence jumping moment and got to watch Chris swear again, which might by favorite part of this incident. Then, the chase was on.
Chris went one way and a car went another. There was whistling, shouting, and a nearby bus was questioned if they had seen a dude wandering around looking angry. For a while everyone thought they should be hunting the bushes and shrubbery along the roadside for a crouching tiger, hidden Colton.
Chris was working three different cell phones and gave a time ultimatum before they would call the cops and report the Bachelor as missing. Don’t you know a person has to be gone for 24 hours before the police can help, Chris? Have you never seen Law & Order?!
Alas, Colton was found and amidst his fit claimed that he was done and going home. With a van door slam and a refusal to be touched, he was off into the night.
No one was fooled, however, and the next morning, still in Portugal, Chris was knocking on Colton’s door to comfort the Bachelor and ask him what the next move is.
Colton repeated that Cassie was The One for sure and that he was going to do whatever it takes to fight for love and win her back. Chris responded in the best way possible and told him “Bro, what if she’s just not that into you?!” Colton didn’t listen just like he hadn’t listened to Cassie and her real reasons for leaving and told Chris that her issue is him still dating two other women.
Yes, not the seven times she told you she’s not ready to be engaged. It’s heartbreaking time!
Tayshia got the bad news first when the Bachelor popped up at her door and asked her to come talk outside. Never a good sign. She held things together before asking if they could talk inside, away from cameras. Lucky for us, they weren’t away from microphones! Rookie mistake.
Once inside, Colton broke down like the man-baby he is and cried forever while Tayshia was the strong one comforting him through it. She did finally cry and after many “I don’t knows,” Colton left and Tayshia ran to the waiting van to take her home. Literally, she grabbed her purse and bolted. Tayshia, was your suitcase already packed? How did this happen so fast? Was someone ready to shove things in a bag at a moment’s notice? I need to know logistics.
Back in the studio, Tayshia faced The Bachelor‘s live audience and Colton (with his new Cassie’s dad haircut) for the first time since the breakup. She looked gorgeous even through the tears and talked about how hard it’s been, but that she’s stronger especially after this second occurrence in her romantic life of soul crushing.
Meanwhile back in Portugal, Hannah G is stuck in Fantasy Suite date limbo, and we see her journaling away in anticipation of saying “I love you!”, to her absent Colton. A knock at the door, and she is too happy to see him at this surprise visit to recognize what is coming.
The Bachelor breaks up with a blindsided Hannah, who tells him that what he’s doing to her is exactly what Cassie did to him. This makes Colton revert back to Confused Colton and he sobs and repeats that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He also tells Hannah she doesn’t deserve to be someone’s second choice before exiting into the night.
A tearful Hannah is on the couch with Chris Harrison and is also ready, or as ready as possible, to face Colton months after their breakup. She discusses how difficult things have been and how she hopes for the answers to her what ifs and that everyone keeps asking to see her engagement ring. She handles things as well as expected and explains that she is no longer in love with Colton, but that watching him struggle afterwards makes everything worse. Colton comes out and basically says that the What If Game is pointless, but that he feels bad about things even though he reinforces that Hannah shouldn’t be a second place finisher.
And so a boring night one has come to a close leaving everyone disappointed that they wasted their lives on Colton whether they participated in the quest for love or simply gave up their Monday evenings to watch this hot mess week after week. ONE. EPISODE. LEFT. Bring on The Bachelor.