The Bachelor Women Tell All reaction: Truths and tears all over the place

Twenty women who’ve all dated the same man walk into a bar. Not a joke, just real life on last night’s Women Tell All episode of The Bachelor.

After Monday’s jump the fence escapade, we needed a break from the dramatics. But that’s of course not what we got when the former ladies of Colton’s life gathered on TV to fight it out one last time before facing The Bachelor to get some answers.

The first thing that needs to be said is WHERE IS ELYSE?!? The twenty women were announced in turn (with cheers from the hyped up audience for who was the craziest) and once they reached the end, I realized the tragedy that my gorgeous red-headed cougar was not amongst them! How can this be? Elyse, are you too good for this? Probably, but don’t you need answers about how Colton dealt with losing you? Because America and I sure do! I just wanted to see your lovely face again! Ugh, I guess we’ll play with the hand ABC dealt us (and don’t worry, we found out later exactly where she was).

Instead of diving right in, Chris Harrison introduces a montage of worst breakups with lots of crying from seasons past. All I know after watching this is that I stand by my opinion that we need more man tears.

Next we saw a recap of all the epic catfights throughout this season of The Bachelor all the way from Catherine on night one to the Nicole/Onyeka bullying saga. This playback triggered Nicole who got emotional and immediately wanted to tell everyone how she got beat up in the house. Unfortunately, the other ladies didn’t take Waterworks Nicole’s side and basically told her she doesn’t know what bullying is.

Then we got into the she said she said saga of some people not being on the show for the right reasons. Katie and Caelynn went at it and Chris tried to bring Hannah B. into it too, but Roll Tide rose above it much to the dismay of Jane, a girl I had no idea was ever a contestant. This stranger participated way too much for someone no one remembers.

Demi’s attack on the Cougar Club brought out Courtney’s feisty side and the fireworks flew. These two yelled forever and ever and name-called back and forth until Courtney threw a pacifier at Baby Demi. Can this duo stop talking to each other, please?

Demi then took the hot seat and discussed her time on The Bachelor through tear-filled eyes with mentions of both her promiscuity and immaturity. Her mom’s prison time was also a topic and the two are back being buddies.

Nicole cried her way to the stage to talk more feelings and Chris revealed that she had won a year’s supply of ice cream. Now she has something to comfort her each and every night!

Miss Alabama Hot Mess Express was up next and we saw her emotional breakup and her struggles with attempting to be perfect. Hannah Beast gracefully discussed how she wants to have fierce love in her life and it was delightful. Consider this my official start to petition for Hannah Beast to be the next Bachelorette!

Last, but not least, was Caelynn who was heartbroken and tear-filled throughout most of her couch time. Her emotional story of her sexual assault was also discussed and she thanked everyone for their support. Once again this topic was handled very well for what is normally a not serious reality show. Kudos to The Bachelor.

Finally it’s Colton time! Our Bachelor has made it to the hot seat to answer the hard hitting questions and Colton has traded confusion for nerves.

Demi kicks things off by thanking him and then pulls the petty move of the season by introducing him to Courtney since they have clearly never talked. Slow clap for you, girl! Can’t wait for more Demi on Paradise.

Caelynn’s concerns are addressed next when she asks him the “why” behind their breakup. Colton has no real answer and she is left with the fact that he didn’t love her like she loved him. *sigh* I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Then we get to The Bachelor‘s infamous fence jump. Colton was confused (shocker) and didn’t know what he was doing or what was going to happen next. All we know is that Chris Harrison saved the day and rescued Colton from the Portuguese wilderness.

The night ended with bloopers which I would personally like to see a whole hour of rather than this Women Tell All nonsense. Chris, can’t you make this happen??

With more teasing about next week’s two part EPIC finale, we are left with more questions than answers and the promise of the most unexpected ending ever. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for this season to be over already. Only two left to go, people. We can do it!