The Bachelor episode 4 recap: Dr. Demi is in the house

The girls and Colton head to Singapore for an amazing week full of adventure and drama on The Bachelor. Who will Demi fight with? How was Caelynn’s one on one?

As Colton says, “Life is all about experiencing things for the first time.” I’m pretty sure that is the most Millennial thing I’ve ever heard.

This episode is full of firsts as the girls and Colton head to Singapore, but not before Chris Harrison “accidentally” calls Hannah B. by the wrong name. If you think he called her Caelynn by accident, you are wrong. Chris Harrison is third on the list of shady and sassy queens, right behind Taylor Swift and JK Rowling.

The girls head off to Singapore and we are blessed with another video diary from Colton. We need more videos of him holding tiny cups in his big man hands and spilling the tea about the upcoming week.

I also appreciate that they finally showed Colton paying for something, because it always bothers me how people on the Bachelor just take things. You can’t just take things, that’s stealing! These street vendors need to make a living! How will they feed their families? This is a rant for another time.

The first one on one of the episode was with Tayshia. Colton and Tayshia went bungee jumping, which I’m sure looked like a good idea on paper but both of them are afraid of heights. As they were getting ready to jump, Colton looked like he was going to burst into tears. I thought they were both going to chicken out and, for the first time in Bachelor history, they weren’t going to do the outrageous date. Maybe they’d just leave and go to McDonalds instead? It was a big surprise, and a little disappointing, when they both jumped off the edge.

Later, the group date was mayhem. Thirteen girls, one Colton, and a street market. What could go wrong? Colton and the girls shopped around, ate funky foods, and had “leech” therapy where leeches suck the toxins out of your blood. Glad we could go back to the days of bloodletting. Medicinal progress is for the weak. You thought the pirate puns were bad last week? These leeches opened up a whole new can of worms.

Demi is just the gift that keeps on giving. We have really hit a drama gold mine with this gal. Today Demi reminded us that she does not understand group date etiquette, but then again, you can’t solidify your place as a villain if you don’t act like a crazy person. Wow. Some people will do anything to sell green tea on Instagram.

The evening portion of the group date had some major successes, but it had as many gimmicks as the first night. The girls were doing everything they could to fight through the other twelve girls.

Everyone except for Courtney. She sat patiently waiting for a prize that never came and drama ensued. Courtney confronted Demi about Demi having alone time with Colton twice in one night, and thus began the newest bout of Demi Drama.

Group date rose: Demi.

The second one-on-one of this episode went to Caelynn. Colton and Caelynn went on the mother of all shopping sprees. Caelynn spent the day trying on fancy gowns and looked like a million bucks in everything she put on. It was hard to tell who enjoyed it more, Colton or Caelynn. The last time I saw that many sequins and fringe I was at a rodeo in Wyoming.

Later on the date, Caelynn took the opportunity to open up about her sexual assault in college. It was incredibly moving.

At home, the rest of the poor girls did their best to pretend they were happy for Caelynn and her shopping spree. I would have been just like Cassie, uncontrollably sobbing in the corner. But I definitely would have been crying because I wanted the dress, not the alone time.

This week’s rose ceremony took quite the turn of events. Hannah B. and Caelynn sat down and agreed to move on, Hannah G. looked like a cute little Barbie, and then crap hit the fan for Courtney and Demi.

Demi directly told Colton that Courtney was “the cancer of the house,” and Courtney told Colton that Demi is “here to play the game.” Poor Colton, he can’t catch a break. Every week he gets another “she said, she said” situation, but I guess that’s just a job hazard when you date 15 women on national television.

Demi and Courtney kept the fire going outside of their alone time, and the other girls sat there and watched it burn. Demi started hooting and hollering about how Courtney attacked her and said she had no class, while Courtney calmly told Demi that she’s a big baby. I’m not going to lie, Courtney scares me. She definitely looks like she could kill with her eyes. But apparently her powers were no match for Dr. Demi, because Courtney didn’t get a rose.

Singapore treated Demi well. She had beef with both of the people who were sent home, and got the group date rose. I’m just glad we didn’t have to hear she say something ridiculous as she accepted a rose this week.

Fallen homies: Courtney and Tracy.