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The Bachelor episode 3 recap: Pirates and powerlifting

By Laura Perkes

THE BACHELOR - "2303" - Yo, ho, ho and avast, matey! Eight bachelorettes perform in a spectacular live "Pirates Dinner Adventure" show, spilling over into an intense competition between two women, to capture ColtonÕs attention and affection. Elyse travels to San Diego with the Bachelor on what she thinks will be a romantic one-on-one date to the historic amusement park Belmont Park. Actor and former NFL football player Terry Crews ("Brooklyn Nine-Nine") and his wife, Rebecca King-Crews, coach a group of the women preparing for the "BachelorÕs Strongest Woman" competition, while Chris Harrison and iconic comedian Fred Willard offer their colorful play-by-play on the daunting athletic contest. The week ends with a pool party instead of a cocktail party, which reignites the cat fight between two enemies, on "The Bachelor," MONDAY, JAN. 21 (8:00-10:00 p.m. EST), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/RICK Rowell)COLTON UNDERWOOD, ELYSE
THE BACHELOR - "2303" - Yo, ho, ho and avast, matey! Eight bachelorettes perform in a spectacular live "Pirates Dinner Adventure" show, spilling over into an intense competition between two women, to capture ColtonÕs attention and affection. Elyse travels to San Diego with the Bachelor on what she thinks will be a romantic one-on-one date to the historic amusement park Belmont Park. Actor and former NFL football player Terry Crews ("Brooklyn Nine-Nine") and his wife, Rebecca King-Crews, coach a group of the women preparing for the "BachelorÕs Strongest Woman" competition, while Chris Harrison and iconic comedian Fred Willard offer their colorful play-by-play on the daunting athletic contest. The week ends with a pool party instead of a cocktail party, which reignites the cat fight between two enemies, on "The Bachelor," MONDAY, JAN. 21 (8:00-10:00 p.m. EST), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/RICK Rowell)COLTON UNDERWOOD, ELYSE /
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A recap of Colton Underwood’s third week as the Bachelor. It was full of pirates, exercise, and drama drama drama. Will Colton find love?

Welcome back to week 3 of The Bachelor! Drama was promised, and drama we were given.

The episode opened with the first group date where the girls arrived at a theater. “Captain Colton” was standing on a pirate ship, looking like the cover of a romance novel in his little pirate clothes.

The girls and Colton had a date full of swashbuckling activities that unleashed all the pirate puns and made us watch Hannah B. beat the other girls with a stick. The Hannah B/Caelynn drama started early in this episode and just kept on ticking. Caelynn and Tracy were picked to be the two girls that “rescued” Colton during a live show.

Demi was on this group date and acted like her usual crazy self. During her alone time with Colton, she made him put on a blindfold and bend over, after which she spanked him with a paddle. How she got a paddle and blindfold is beyond me, but Colton did NOT seem into it. After this group date, I think more people have pulled Demi aside to talk about her misdeeds than have pulled Colton aside to talk with him.

Don’t worry, the group date drama hasn’t ended!

Hannah B. felt like she “had” to say something to Colton about Caelynn. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. Have you learned nothing from the ghosts of Bachelor past? NEVER under ANY circumstances is it a good idea to talk about another girl on the show. It will not end well for you. You will always look like a terrible person and your character will always be brought into question. I don’t make the rules.

Group date rose: Caelynn.

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After the drama dust settled from the first group date, Colton whisked away Elyse for their one on one. From the mansion, they went to a helicopter. If you were on The Bachelor and didn’t ride a helicopter, did you even make it past night one? I wonder which producer on The Bachelor loves aviation and decided that helicopters/small airplanes/anything with two wings and a need for speed is romantic.

The helicopter took them to an amusement park in San Diego where Colton and Elyse spent the day with children from Colton’s charity. It was a sweet and precious day that warmed my cold heart.

After dinner, Colton and Elyse ended the date with another Bachelor classic: an up and coming country singer no one has heard of and a crowd of people to watch the couple, I mean, the concert. Elyse looked uncomfortable but she did sign up for The Bachelor and this is pretty much a rite of passage.

Cue Colton’s second group date of the episode. The girls and Colton had an athletic day with Terry and Rebecca Crews, which makes sense because “Terry loves love.”

The date consisted of physical actives that put to use the the athletic part of the girls’ athleisure wear. I’m not going to lie, I really felt it when Nicole couldn’t do a pull up. Bless her and those noodle arms. They didn’t stand a chance.

The girls also had to compete in outrageous tasks to see who was the “strongest woman,” which Onyeka won. These events were not for the faint of heart, but the most shocking was the limo pull. The whole premise was to strap one of these tiny ladies to a limo and they would pull it forward with sheer grit, strength, and their love for Colton. Tayshia made an attempt and the limo didn’t budge, but magically Canadian Caitlin was able to move the limo.

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Caitlin might as well have been pulling that limo around to send her home, because she didn’t make it through the rest of the night. After an awkward conversation where Caitlin set the record for how many times a person can say the word “about” in a Canadian accent, Colton sent her home. Caitlin was very upset, but hopefully a ridiculous, silly evening with her friends will cheer her up.

Group date rose: Nicole.

The episode finished with a pool party instead of a cocktail party. At this party we learned what Demi looks like without makeup, watched Colton act like a wild boy and witnessed more Caelynn/Hannah B drama. Each girl essentially said that the other girl was a sneaky snake who can’t be trusted and left Colton feeling confused. We DID get to see Hannah B’s rage monster, which was a real win for the team.

Fallen homies: Bri, Catherine, Nina, and Caitlin.

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