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Bachelor episode 1 reaction: The longest Bachelor premiere in history

By Laura Meinert

THE BACHELOR - "Episode 2301" - What does a pageant star who calls herself the "hot-mess express," a confident Nigerian beauty with a loud-and-proud personality,; a deceptively bubbly spitfire who is hiding a dark family secret, a California beach blonde who has a secret that ironically may make her the BachelorÕs perfect match, and a lovable phlebotomist all have in common? TheyÕre all on the hunt for love with Colton Underwood when the 23rd edition of ABCÕs hit romance reality series "The Bachelor" premieres with a live, three-hour special on MONDAY, JAN. 7 (8:00-11:00 p.m. EST), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell)COLTON UNDERWOOD, SYDNEY
THE BACHELOR - "Episode 2301" - What does a pageant star who calls herself the "hot-mess express," a confident Nigerian beauty with a loud-and-proud personality,; a deceptively bubbly spitfire who is hiding a dark family secret, a California beach blonde who has a secret that ironically may make her the BachelorÕs perfect match, and a lovable phlebotomist all have in common? TheyÕre all on the hunt for love with Colton Underwood when the 23rd edition of ABCÕs hit romance reality series "The Bachelor" premieres with a live, three-hour special on MONDAY, JAN. 7 (8:00-11:00 p.m. EST), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell)COLTON UNDERWOOD, SYDNEY /
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It was the episode we had all been waiting for! Unfortunately, last night’s 3 hour long Bachelor premiere somehow felt like the longest episode ever.

Ok, maybe not. But it sure felt like it took years to get anywhere.

With what has become the standard as of late, this season of The Bachelor kicked off with a casual three hour long premiere. And in what can only be described as the first dramatic twist of the season, the captain of everyone’s favorite emotionally waterlogged ship, Chris Harrison, informed us that not only would we have one live watch party, but we would have four!! Great.

I did not sign up to watch former Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants live out their childhood fantasies of being news anchors on location at a high school football game. It was awkward; there were bad jokes, cheerleaders, lots of shouting, and several moms being overenthusiastic. Did I mention the two real life fan proposals that also occurred throughout the evening? One may have been kinda cute, but two was too many.

Once we finally got to meet some of the ladies, I was pleasantly surprised that several of them had real jobs! A dental hygienist, a medical sales rep, and a speech pathologist, oh my! Not so surprisingly, everyone was a blonde baby barely over 21. My almost 30-year-old self could not contain my eye-rolling.

Speaking of things that caused repulsion, let’s take about the elephant in the room: Colton’s virginity. Look, I get that everyone wants to make this tiny detail about this beautiful man the focus of his journey, but oh my god could we beat this dead horse anymore?! The Twitter joke about drinking every time his V-card was mentioned would have left us all wasted on our couches. Being a virgin is also not a personality trait, people.

Next. Bachelor episode 1 recap: Sloths, hot tubs, proposals, oh my!. dark

Overall, this episode left lots to be desired. The amount of actual content was minimal and I honestly hardly think any of the girls were a stand out. I mean, other than the obvious forced villain of the season, Catherine, with her dog and conversation stealing tactics.

The preview of the season showed lots of tears and a hint of what could be Colton running away from the entire hot mess express, which I am here for, but let’s hope next week’s episode is better than last night’s. Because it wouldn’t take much.

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